Stella Notecor

Life Sucks

So, I have a master's degree in Special Education. Currently, I work as a cashier and I'm trying to find a job as a teacher because I HATE retail with all my heart. However, I'm not having much luck. Between work stress and job hunting stress, my anxiety levels are sky-high.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. I can't keep doing my job with the amount of stress it's causing me, but I can't stop doing my job without another one to fall back on. I'm exhausted, and all I really want to do is sleep for the next five years of my life.


In good news, Kicked From Inside is almost done, and I'm going to be posting the last bit sometime tonight. I can't wait to write the end and start working on my original fic again, as the writing bug has bit me hard for that one. =)
Stella Notecor


Yay! Chapter 15 is up! It didn't take as long as I thought it would to write it...

Sorry for the cliffhanger. I said all that needed to be said in this chapter, and that was just the natural place to end it!

Also, I'm wondering if anyone has an AO3 invite to spare? Between the debacle and my own interest in putting my fic on a site that lets you download fics as ebooks, I'd really like one. Lemme know if you do and I'll give you my email. =)

*hugs* and *loves*
Stella Notecor


I'm exhausted. I'm back on my meds, due to my awful panic attacks. Unfortunately, my meds disrupt my REM sleep and leave me feeling like I've been run over by a truck. Granted, I'm happier and calmer, but I'd almost rather be panicked and still able to write!

Anyway, I'm plugging away at the next chapter of Kicked from Inside. I'm hoping to post it Sunday--if I don't, please yell at me and cry and tell me how disappointed you are in me. lol!

I'll catch up on my comment replies on Sunday too. For those of you who comment on my crap, thank you so much. I do appreciate it, even if it takes me forever to reply...

*hugs to all*
Stella Notecor

*sighs in relief*


Finally finished Chapter 14. I'm as emotionally wrung out as Spock is...writing emotion is SO HARD. The chapter probably needs a thorough edit when I get a chance, but at least it's done.

Now to start reading a friend's fic in hopes of being able to finish betaing it for her sometime BEFORE the next millennium...
Stella Notecor

Writer's Block: ARG

Minor case of writer's block being caused by my panic attacks and subsequent inability to focus. I WILL power through though.

If I do not post chapter 14 of Kicked from Inside within the next 3 hours (i.e. by 9 PM EST), please comment with sad faces! This will be my motivation to post on time!
Stella Notecor

Personal: Sighs

So, I went out on a date with a really nice guy tonight. He was smart, sweet, and a total gentleman. And I was a total dweeb.

I had an intense panic attack right before I went to meet with him, and I kept having baby panic attacks the entire time we were talking. I couldn't keep my end of the conversation going at all, and he seemed really bored with me.

I'm so mad at myself right now. I really liked this guy talking to him online, and I really wanted this date to go well. Instead, I shut down. I'm pretty sure he's not interested in me at all anymore.

SIGH. I hate mental illness.

Whatever. If he ends up not wanting to go out again, I think I'm going to take a break from dating. I've got too much drama going on in my life right now with my family and my mental illness.

It's so much easier to deal with fictional men!

PS I'm still writing Kicked From Within. Sorry this chapter is taking so long... as I said, my panic attacks are super bad right now. I can't hardly think straight to type this up, let alone write a coherent story...
Stella Notecor


My aunt is now doing much better. She's been out of the hospital since Friday, and she is resuming her normal life now.

As am I! I've begun work on the next chapter of Kicked From Inside, though it won't be ready until Friday at the earliest.

Also, I'm about ready to strangle my family. Nothing I do is ever good enough for them anymore. Whatever. As soon as I get a proper, well-paying job as a teacher this fall, I'm MOVING OUT. I don't care how much it costs... my mental sanity is worth the price of rent! =P