May 27th, 2012

Stella Notecor

Personal: Sighs

So, I went out on a date with a really nice guy tonight. He was smart, sweet, and a total gentleman. And I was a total dweeb.

I had an intense panic attack right before I went to meet with him, and I kept having baby panic attacks the entire time we were talking. I couldn't keep my end of the conversation going at all, and he seemed really bored with me.

I'm so mad at myself right now. I really liked this guy talking to him online, and I really wanted this date to go well. Instead, I shut down. I'm pretty sure he's not interested in me at all anymore.

SIGH. I hate mental illness.

Whatever. If he ends up not wanting to go out again, I think I'm going to take a break from dating. I've got too much drama going on in my life right now with my family and my mental illness.

It's so much easier to deal with fictional men!

PS I'm still writing Kicked From Within. Sorry this chapter is taking so long... as I said, my panic attacks are super bad right now. I can't hardly think straight to type this up, let alone write a coherent story...